Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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