people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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