By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
