By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I will pee on everything he values.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
