Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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