I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
