Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
