Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
