I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
