Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
