you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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