Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
