giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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