oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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