you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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