Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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