Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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