Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
