I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
