he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
