After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dick very happy bro
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
