I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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