May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
