We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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