So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
