there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think your dad took our porno
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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