I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
