I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
