i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
