i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
