i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
