my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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