Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
