i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
