You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All the doctor said was why
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
