tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
