im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
