I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
