Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
