You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
