I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
