That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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