i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
