Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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