And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
