I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
