Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
