yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
