Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is Oprah even human
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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