i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize