is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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