Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
