You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
