I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
