Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
