Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
