That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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