So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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