New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
