When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
