I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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