If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
