Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
