he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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