im about as happy as oj after his trial
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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